Irresistible Dating Conversation Starters
Here’s what to talk about on a first date
Few occasions can be as exhilarating or nerve-wracking as a first date. There’s the question of what you’re going to wear (we already recommend something you’ll be confident in), what you’re going to do, and of course, what you’ll actually talk about – in addition to your professions.
Whether you’re coming back out there after the divorce or breakup, or you’re just interested in meeting new people, these early conversation starters and tips will help you keep the date from drying up before you’ve ordered an appetizer…
Experts agree that one of the best ways to reduce first-date anxiety is to come into the meeting with a plan. No, you don’t need talking points on index cards or on a script you’ve been rehearsing, but a solid strategy for increasing the odds of chemistry can’t hurt. Who knows, follow these suggestions and this might just be your last first date (wink).
Start by trying to establish a connection.
“While you and your date already overlap in areas such as education or religion, building rapport on other topics is also essential,” says Jess Carbino, relationship specialist and sociologist. “Try to draw parallels between their experiences and interests and yours,” adds Carbino, who led the research for Bumble and Tinder.
Build on what you already know.
Build on what you learned from the initial source of connection to propel the dialogue. For example, if you’re matching online, refer to something in their dating profile and ask them a question about it, Carbino says. If a mutual friend set you up, explain how each of you knows him. etc
State the obvious.
If you don’t know how to start a conversation, comment on something in your environment. To get started, you can ask them if they’ve ever been to the cafe, park, or where they proposed to meet before, or if they spend a lot of time in that neighborhood, Carbino says. “You could then quickly jump into a larger conversation about the city, food, travel, or another topic, depending on the clues you picked up initially,” she adds.
Don’t ask them what they do for a living.
“A first date is all about interest,” says Dr. Jane Greer, marriage and family therapist and author of What About Me? Stop selfishness from ruining your relationship. Instead of asking the typical “What are you doing?”, frame the query openly.
Greer suggests trying the following: “How did you decide to get into this line of work? When did you know that was what you wanted to do? Another way to approach this topic: ‘Is there anyone who has inspired you to pursue your career or stand out, even though you may have encountered challenges? If so, what is the story? »
Getting your date to work out will reveal more about their personality and interests. “In this example, you’re looking for more information about their background and their way of thinking, rather than just a description of their work,” says Greer.
Pay attention to how often they ask you questions.
To determine if your person of interest is relational or self-centered, note whether they wonder about you at all, recommends Dr. Henry Cloud, psychologist, speaker, and author.
“When you respond, do they immediately turn it into talking about themselves, or can they stay on top of you at all times,” he says. Granted, there could also be some nerves involved (often it’s easier to walk around), but that’s still something worth pointing out.
And listen carefully to their answers.
A person’s answers can often show their true personality. For example, if you ask how long they’ve been on a dating site and what their experience has been, they say demeaning things like ‘There are so many idiots out there’.
Or are they more balanced, with responses such as “I’ve met some nice people and had some good experiences…and of course, some haven’t.” Cloud says focusing on conversation patterns like this is essential advice for assessing character.
Also, notice how much they tend to blame everyone or everything else (ex, former employers, family members, etc.) for their personal setbacks. Cloud, co-author of The Limits of Dating: How Healthy Choices Promote a Healthy Relationship, suggests overdoing it is a warning sign that they’ll end up blaming you for their problems.
Other ways to gauge your counterpart’s state of mind are questions like: So what brought you to Los Angeles (or any city)? Their answer will suggest if they were looking for something new and new ways to grow.
Ask them about their talents.
Ask: What are you really good at? What are you doing to keep growing in & [insert the domain you are talking about]? “Listen to the aspects of the conversation that allow you to see how much responsibility they take on life,” Cloud offers. ‘Do they see themselves as someone creating their own life or just waiting for it to show up?’
Find out about their family and friends.
Start with a simple “Tell me about your family”. See what you learn. Even if it’s a negative story, Cloud says, you can respond with, ‘Wow, that sounds difficult. How did you handle or overcome that? »
Also, find out about their friends. Tune into the existence of close, long-time friends. “If all of their ‘close’ friends are new, that’s usually not a good sign,” Cloud warns. That is, unless they just moved, because, hey, meeting friends as an adult can be tough. And, of course, if they are divorced, that also lends itself to complications.
Unpack their idea of a “good life”.
We all have an idea of what our ideal life would be like. For you, it might be about owning a home, having a healthy family, getting out of debt, or winning the next season of Big Brother. What’s that for the person eating fries and dunking in front of you?
According to Cloud, one way to dig into this can be to ask yourself, “So if we were sitting here two years from now, what would have happened in your life that you were saying ‘things are really good?’ “And here’s an important question for you at this point: Do the things that will make them happy resonate with you?
Try a philosophical question.
Our philosophy of life guides our values and is often at the root of many choices a person makes. Cloud suggests tapping into your partner’s worldview with questions like: do they have a spiritual or moral center? True North? Is it compatible with yours? On generosity of finances or time: do they serve anywhere or do they give of themselves to the less fortunate or to a cause close to their hearts? If so, what is the motive or heart behind uplifting others in this way?
Address the dealbreakers.
We’re not talking about surface-level dealbreakers as a preference for brunettes. But some things just aren’t negotiable, like wanting to have kids or needing to live in a particular area. “If you’re super religious and you know it’s important to you, for example, ask about it,” says Kevin Fredricks, who co-hosts The Love Hour podcast with his wife.
“Anything you know that isn’t a beginner for your needs to be brought up early,” he adds. Of course, you can participate in them throughout the conversation so that you don’t get to them right away with these big questions in life, but it is better to find out as soon as possible.
Be a good journalist.
An inherent trait of any effective journalist is curiosity. Although your date is not an interview, you are trying to learn parts of who this person is and their story. Do it by asking questions they’ve probably rarely or never answered, Fredericks says, like: What’s your fondest memory from elementary school?
If you could get away with a crime, what would you do? What’s on your bucket list? “It will make you look interesting,” he adds. Of course, try to tone them down naturally, otherwise, you’ll feel like you just read…this article.
“Really show your curiosity and encourage them to tell you more. This will not only make for an engaging and fun first date, but it will also help you find out if you have common interests or life goals to help you decide if you want to see the person again,” says Greer.
To show creativity.
Check with yourself as the date progresses. Do you like being there? Is this person funny? “Life should be fun, especially dating,” says Cloud.
“The first date is for global compatibility,” Fredericks says. See if you’re a good match creatively with questions Fredericks recommends like: What food is your guilty pleasure? What movie could you watch over and over again? What haven’t you done that everyone else has? However, again, if it doesn’t come naturally to you, don’t force it.
Remember you can always leave.
Your time (and theirs) is valuable. Sometimes there’s just no spark, even after warming up over a drink or a meal. If so, release your future by saying something like, “It was so great meeting you. I really appreciate you taking the time to come with me.
I have another engagement ( Hey Netflix and the Leftovers ). Let’s go do the check,” Carbino trains. The date doesn’t have to drag on out of a self-imposed sense of obligation. The only thing you owe your date is respect, and there’s always a way out of a situation with grace.
Dating Conversation Starters FAQs
Conversation Starters For Any Situation
1. Tell me about yourself.
2. Have you done anything exciting lately?
3. What made you smile today?
4. How did you meet the host?
5. What’s your favorite form of social media?
6. What was the last good book you read?
7. Do you listen to any podcasts? Which is your favorite?
8. What do you think is the best show on Netflix right now?
9, Have you been on any interesting trips lately?
10. What do you think has been the best movie of the year so far?
11. What song do you wish you could put on right now?
12. Are you a cat person or a dog person?
13. Do you think you’re an introvert or an extrovert?
14. If you didn’t have the job you have now, what would you be?
15. What’s your strangest hidden talent?
16. What is something people are always surprised to learn about you?
17. What is the most rewarding part of your career?
18. Where do you want to be in five years?
19. What superpower do you wish you could have?
20. Where would you go on vacation if you had no budget?
21. If you could travel back in time, what decade would you choose to live in?
22. What’s the best thing you’ve ever bought off Amazon?
23. What’s the last concert you went to?
24. What is one thing you can’t live without?
25. What’s the strangest dream you’ve had recently?
26. What is your favorite book of all time?
27. How many countries have you been to?
28. What’s your favorite city you’ve visited?
29. Would you rather travel via plane or boat?
30. Would you rather be really hot or really cold?
31. What are your thoughts on the British royal family?
32. Do you like documentaries? Have you watched any good ones recently?
33. Who is your favorite celebrity couple ever?
34. Which celebrity couple do you wish would get back together?
35. If you could host a talk show, who would you have on first?
36. What’s your favorite sport?
37. What sport do you wish you were really good at?
38. What’s the best holiday?
39. How did you spend your last birthday?
40. Do you believe men and women can ever just be friends?
Flirty Conversation Starters to Help Break the Ice
- Give a compliment on their appearance. What you mean: I want to see you naked. …
- Ask if they’re attached. …
- Say you’ve been thinking about them. …
- Mention things you could do together. …
- Talk about dating and being single. …
- Offer to be their date.
- What is the first thing you notice about a person? …
- What are some challenges you think the next generation will face? …
- What three habits will improve your life? …
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful? …
- If you could have lunch with one person alive or dead, who would it be?
- Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?
- What are you most thankful for?
- Which parent are you closer to and why?
- What are your thoughts on online dating or tinder?
- What’s on your bucket list this year?
- How would you describe your best friend?
- What or who would you sacrifice your life for?
- What single event has had the biggest impact on who you are?
- Do you think the future will be better than the present? …
- Do you think human morality is learned or innate?
- What’s the most crucial thing for a healthy relationship?